In the new memoir Forgiveness (out Tuesday), Chiquis Rivera is finally revealing the reason she and her mother Jenni Rivera, stopped speaking in October 2012 — two months before Jenni died in a plane crash in Monterrey, Mexico..
The banda singer confirms that the reason for her and Jennis falling out had to do with the widely reported rumor that she had an affair with Esteban Loaiza, Jennis ex-husband. Attributing the rumor to the toxic voices, surrounding her mother during a time when she was deeply lonely and confused, Chiquis denies that an affair ever happened, even though her mother was convinced that it did.
According to Chiquis, her mother looked at video footage from her homes security system and became fixated with a moment in which Chiquis is seen leaving Jenni and Estebans master bedroom. Chiquis says her mother watched it many times and made herself believe her daughter came back to the house and snuck back into the bedroom to hook up with Esteban, despite the fact that Chiquis — who says she personally reviewed the tapes — says they show her leaving the bedroom five minutes later.
Chiquis adds that she has proof that nothing happened with Esteban — including cell phone records of her talking to her uncle and boyfriend during the exact time codes in which the alleged hookup occurred — but adds that her mother refused to look at them. According to Billboard, the falling out between Jenni and her eldest daughter was so serious that La Diva de la Banda reportedly kicked Chiquis out of her house and left her entirely out of her will
Ever since the scandal broke, the only thing I wanted was for her to just listen to me, writes Chiquis. My mother was never able to do that, but at least the rest of my family could, even if it was too late.
Still, Chiquis writes that according to her aunt Rosie, Jenni had plans to invite Chiquis home for Christmas that year, but unfortunately, she passed before that could happen.
Despite everything that happened, Chiquis writes in her book (aptly titled, Forgiveness) that she forgives her mother. I forgive you for doubting me, she writes. Now I want to be happy, and carry you with me in my heart. I want you to guide me with the kids and with my career. You knew how to fall, how to get back up and how to get better each and every dayOnly your love will carry me forward. I love you, Momma, and I miss you.
And, in addition to explaining the falling out with her mother, Chiquis also opens up in the memoir about the sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her father, Jose Trinidad Marin, who is serving a life sentence in prison and who sexually abused her from the age of 8 until she was 12.
My father would take advantage of those weekends, exploiting my silence more and more while simultaneously becoming ever more aggressive. His growing boldness translated into longer, more fearsome and more painful sessions for me. All I remember is closing my eyes, tensing up my arms and thinking: If I dont put up too much of a fight, then hell be done with me sooner.’
In the book, Chiquis also confesses something that she revealed earlier this week to Maria Celeste Arraras of Al Rojo Vivo: That she was also molested by a woman.
This is something I havent confessed to any of the seemingly thousands of psychologists whom I saw during my teenage years, nor the doctors who treated me after the scandal with my father, nor the pastor of any church during my deepest spiritual crisis, she writes in the book, adding that not even Jenni knew about the molestation, which happened around the same time that her father had been abusing her.
This woman would come up to me and say, Lets play house. I was nine, and just getting used to the games my father forced upon me. It was just so confusing to be doubly victimized. She would touch me, and she asked me to touch and stimulate herUntil one day she didnt ask me to play anymore and the afternoons spent in the corners disappeared, along with that abusive woman.
Chiquis—who says that she questioned her own sexuality following the ordeal—says shes sharing the story in the hopes that other victims of abuse can read about my mistakes and fears and see that its possible to overcome them, as hollow as that phrase might sound. You can regain trust, if you put your trust in God. And you can learn to love again if you can learn to forgive.
Earlier this week on Al Rojo Vivo, Chiquis also opened up about the fact that at one time, she thought she had romantic feelings for her female best friend and that Jenni knew and did not approve.
“Because I never told her my secret [about being abused by a woman]she couldn’t understand it. It was very innocent, but I really did think I was in love at the time, she said.
“Obviously I like men and I know that now, Chiquis added.
For more on Chiquis memoir, head over to Billboard.com.
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